Wedding bells — or alarm bells?
What to do when you suspect an elderly client is being manipulated in a late-life relationship
By Allan Janssen |May 27, 2024
4 min read
News and resources for Canada's top financial advisors
Wondering how to best manage your team or grow your client list? Not sure how to deal with a particular client? If these questions are on your mind, reach out to Advisor.ca and our columnist, Joanne Ferguson.
The veteran consultant, personal coach and author will be sharing her knowledge and answering your questions in her column – ‘Ask The Expert: Best Practices’. Backed by over 20 years of experience, the owner and president of Advisor Pathways will be addressing your business, career concerns.
To send along your questions for Joanne’s next column, send an email to AskAdvisor@advisor.rogers.com
Joanne,
Quick but important question, in the last year or so I have become really involved in social media as a way of promoting myself and also communicating with friends, family. Where things get confusing is the line between work and my personal life. When co-workers ask to be added to my Facebook or Twitter, I am not sure what to do. Should I create accounts just for work? Should there be a separation? What are the pros and cons? I am not sure which way to turn or how to deal with work life and my private life.
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
Your question is not only important but also topical. Why do you want the separation? You have begun to establish a brand for yourself whether you like it or not. If your message is clear and you keep things on the positive and productive side then you could use Facebook or Twitter for co-workers as you are promoting yourself with a social media platform.
People want to know the real you not the you that you want business colleagues to see…and then have another side for your friends and family. I say this because a “friend of a friend of a friend” might recognize you or have access to someone’s account that is connected to you business wise or personal wise.
I have seen it happen so if you think you are trying to keep the worlds separate it is impossible. It is a small world and it is a connected world. Always think about how you want to be perceived? How are you affecting your brand you’re your company’s brand image? Social Media is a powerful business medium but needs to be used properly and in accordance with your company’s Social Media policy.
Remember that a personal Tweet to a friend could be perceived by someone else as a reflection of your company’s brand as the V.P.
Everything that is on your various social media accounts (such as Facebook, MySpace or LinkedIn); blogs and other on-line journals and diaries (such as LiveJournal); bulletin boards and chat rooms; microblogging (such as Twitter); and the posting of videos, photos and similar media (such as YouTube and Flickr) is really there for everyone to see so if you want to be bold, colorful and outspoken. But if it is not in accordance to your company’s social media policy you could find yourself without a job.
I had a brief chat recently with a U.S. based attorney and everything on social media is 100% public. If you think sending something to 10 people is private or you have any rights in the eyes of the law it is no longer private. A post to a spouse has certain exceptions. From an employers standpoint you could be held accountable. You cannot have an expectation of privacy.
So be sure to assume your company has a policy and find out what it is. Before you post the next Facebook picture or make your next Tweet how does this adhere to your company’s social media policy and how will this affect your brand. If you are making personal comments be sure to state these comments are not the views of the company. Keep comments positive and productive…think before your post!
The audience is everyone all the time.
Hi Joanne,
I was wondering as another woman, if you would be able to share your experiences with me. As a female financial advisor, I sometimes find it difficult to deal with people’s perceptions. I run an office with my male partner and there have been issues because of that. There have been incidences where clients gravitate to him simply because of his gender or in talking with clients, there are perceptions of working with a male or female. My partner acknowledges that this goes on and is as frustrated as I am. What if anything do you suggest we do about these situations? Do you have any insights or opinions to share?
Amy B.
Dear Amy,
I hear you sister! We have all had similar experiences in this male-dominated industry. I remember when I first started meeting potential clients or those that might be able to refer business, and they would gravitate to a male counterpart. So, be aware of it but do not let it stop you being you. Remember it is their perception and your attachment to what is happening.
I met a small regional firm and it was still somewhat stuck in the old school ways of men work and women stay home. They asked me: Do you have any men working with you?
“No, we have three strong women will that do”, I replied.
We ended up working with 54 of their advisor teams until the turn in the market when budget cuts came in but our value was articulated nicely by them to another firm who has recently engaged us.
You have to realize it is their loss that they are not listening to your brilliance. You must stay present in the situation you are in and let those thoughts go away and keep yourself with the matter at hand.
Continue to share your knowledge, insight and expertise and your opinion will begin to mean something. Partnerships are founded on professionalism and respect. Learn from each other, support each other and any chance you get highlight the other’s strengths.
You and your partner need to articulate your value as a team and as I mentioned above any chance you get to highlight the strengths of the other people you work with do so. Be sure that when an opportunity arises that you are presented as an expert to those you are working with.
We are a force to be reckoned with. We think differently and approach things in a more holistic way and with the amount of dollars coming into the hands of women they (everyone) might want to stand up and listen.
If you ever had the pleasure of listening to Diana Wiley, Co-Founding partner of Thompson, Wiley & Associates, you would be amazed at her research and findings on the ‘Emerging Trend: Women and their growing wealth’.
Here is an excerpt:
“A quick look at the statistics reveals the tremendous market potential offered by women. The IRS reported in the Personal Wealth Tables for 2004 that 43% of the top wealth holders in the US, defined as individuals with assets of $1.5 million or more, were women. Assets of the 1,173,000 women were valued at $4.6 trillion, which represents 41.8% of the total wealth in this category. About 35% of these women were in the 50-65 age range. Overall, women control half the wealth in the United States, and are expected to control 60% in the next decade. Because women now inherit equally with their male siblings and statistically outlive their male spouses, an even greater percentage of this wealth—some estimate as much as 90%—will be in the sole control of women at some point in time.”
Have faith and remember it is their perception only and you just keep doing what you do well and stay focused on the task, meeting, or seminar at hand.
As Dora says in ‘Finding Nemo’: When life gets you down, just keep swimming! Just keep swimming!
Dear Joanne,
Recently more and more, I have thought about leaving the company I am at and becoming an independent advisor. A couple of my colleagues here have contemplated the same thing. If I do leave, I would love to bring them along as they could be the backbone of the new venture. I just worry about taking this major career shift and what could happen if we jump ship in this way as the owners of my current firm are also good friends mine.
Derek
Dear Derek,
Have you ever heard the saying…People want results without change?
Change is good. You have to think about why you want to leave. Do you want more control? Not happy with the overall decisions or the direction being made? How are your clients affected? You need to write out all your worries for leaving and all your worries for not leaving?
It is hard when friends are involved as there are greater emotions to your decisions rather than a rational non-emotional business case for you and your clients. Maybe you are ready to make a change and besides if you are spending a lot of energy thinking about this you are not fully engaged where you are and until you make a decision one way or another your productivity is suffering.
A small exercise to try:
List down all the things you are committed to in your life right now – things that take up your time. Rate each topic (out of a possible 10) according to priority to you and your life (work and personal) right now. Mark the rating to the right of the topic. Reflect on your prioritization. Ask yourself if you are giving the top 5 enough of your time? If you have low priority topics on your list can you abandon them for now (revisit later perhaps)? Are there other topics you think you should add to the list? Then, figure out if you are being reasonable with yourself when you consider your vision, your purpose, your goals and the amount of time you have.
Is this a right time for a move? How does this match up against your vision, your purpose and your goals? If this is the right time what is your plan of action? Will you have the support, back up, and resources to make a smooth transition for yourself and your clients.
Remember you are HUMAN. You may think you can do everything but really you can’t. So you choose and whatever you choose is the right answer.
To send along your questions for Joanne’s next column, send an email to AskAdvisor@advisor.rogers.com
Joanne Ferguson is the owner and president of Advisor Pathways.
Wondering how to best manage your team or grow your client list? Not sure how to deal with a particular client? If these questions are on your mind, reach out to Advisor.ca and our columnist, Joanne Ferguson.
The veteran consultant, personal coach and author will be sharing her knowledge and answering your questions in her column – ‘Ask The Expert: Best Practices’. Backed by over 20 years of experience, the owner and president of Advisor Pathways will be addressing your business, career concerns.
To send along your questions for Joanne’s next column, send an email to AskAdvisor@advisor.rogers.com
Joanne,
Quick but important question, in the last year or so I have become really involved in social media as a way of promoting myself and also communicating with friends, family. Where things get confusing is the line between work and my personal life. When co-workers ask to be added to my Facebook or Twitter, I am not sure what to do. Should I create accounts just for work? Should there be a separation? What are the pros and cons? I am not sure which way to turn or how to deal with work life and my private life.
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
Your question is not only important but also topical. Why do you want the separation? You have begun to establish a brand for yourself whether you like it or not. If your message is clear and you keep things on the positive and productive side then you could use Facebook or Twitter for co-workers as you are promoting yourself with a social media platform.
People want to know the real you not the you that you want business colleagues to see…and then have another side for your friends and family. I say this because a “friend of a friend of a friend” might recognize you or have access to someone’s account that is connected to you business wise or personal wise.
I have seen it happen so if you think you are trying to keep the worlds separate it is impossible. It is a small world and it is a connected world. Always think about how you want to be perceived? How are you affecting your brand you’re your company’s brand image? Social Media is a powerful business medium but needs to be used properly and in accordance with your company’s Social Media policy.
Remember that a personal Tweet to a friend could be perceived by someone else as a reflection of your company’s brand as the V.P.
Everything that is on your various social media accounts (such as Facebook, MySpace or LinkedIn); blogs and other on-line journals and diaries (such as LiveJournal); bulletin boards and chat rooms; microblogging (such as Twitter); and the posting of videos, photos and similar media (such as YouTube and Flickr) is really there for everyone to see so if you want to be bold, colorful and outspoken. But if it is not in accordance to your company’s social media policy you could find yourself without a job.
I had a brief chat recently with a U.S. based attorney and everything on social media is 100% public. If you think sending something to 10 people is private or you have any rights in the eyes of the law it is no longer private. A post to a spouse has certain exceptions. From an employers standpoint you could be held accountable. You cannot have an expectation of privacy.
So be sure to assume your company has a policy and find out what it is. Before you post the next Facebook picture or make your next Tweet how does this adhere to your company’s social media policy and how will this affect your brand. If you are making personal comments be sure to state these comments are not the views of the company. Keep comments positive and productive…think before your post!
The audience is everyone all the time.
Hi Joanne,
I was wondering as another woman, if you would be able to share your experiences with me. As a female financial advisor, I sometimes find it difficult to deal with people’s perceptions. I run an office with my male partner and there have been issues because of that. There have been incidences where clients gravitate to him simply because of his gender or in talking with clients, there are perceptions of working with a male or female. My partner acknowledges that this goes on and is as frustrated as I am. What if anything do you suggest we do about these situations? Do you have any insights or opinions to share?
Amy B.
Dear Amy,
I hear you sister! We have all had similar experiences in this male-dominated industry. I remember when I first started meeting potential clients or those that might be able to refer business, and they would gravitate to a male counterpart. So, be aware of it but do not let it stop you being you. Remember it is their perception and your attachment to what is happening.
I met a small regional firm and it was still somewhat stuck in the old school ways of men work and women stay home. They asked me: Do you have any men working with you?
“No, we have three strong women will that do”, I replied.
We ended up working with 54 of their advisor teams until the turn in the market when budget cuts came in but our value was articulated nicely by them to another firm who has recently engaged us.
You have to realize it is their loss that they are not listening to your brilliance. You must stay present in the situation you are in and let those thoughts go away and keep yourself with the matter at hand.
Continue to share your knowledge, insight and expertise and your opinion will begin to mean something. Partnerships are founded on professionalism and respect. Learn from each other, support each other and any chance you get highlight the other’s strengths.
You and your partner need to articulate your value as a team and as I mentioned above any chance you get to highlight the strengths of the other people you work with do so. Be sure that when an opportunity arises that you are presented as an expert to those you are working with.
We are a force to be reckoned with. We think differently and approach things in a more holistic way and with the amount of dollars coming into the hands of women they (everyone) might want to stand up and listen.
If you ever had the pleasure of listening to Diana Wiley, Co-Founding partner of Thompson, Wiley & Associates, you would be amazed at her research and findings on the ‘Emerging Trend: Women and their growing wealth’.
Here is an excerpt:
“A quick look at the statistics reveals the tremendous market potential offered by women. The IRS reported in the Personal Wealth Tables for 2004 that 43% of the top wealth holders in the US, defined as individuals with assets of $1.5 million or more, were women. Assets of the 1,173,000 women were valued at $4.6 trillion, which represents 41.8% of the total wealth in this category. About 35% of these women were in the 50-65 age range. Overall, women control half the wealth in the United States, and are expected to control 60% in the next decade. Because women now inherit equally with their male siblings and statistically outlive their male spouses, an even greater percentage of this wealth—some estimate as much as 90%—will be in the sole control of women at some point in time.”
Have faith and remember it is their perception only and you just keep doing what you do well and stay focused on the task, meeting, or seminar at hand.
As Dora says in ‘Finding Nemo’: When life gets you down, just keep swimming! Just keep swimming!
Dear Joanne,
Recently more and more, I have thought about leaving the company I am at and becoming an independent advisor. A couple of my colleagues here have contemplated the same thing. If I do leave, I would love to bring them along as they could be the backbone of the new venture. I just worry about taking this major career shift and what could happen if we jump ship in this way as the owners of my current firm are also good friends mine.
Derek
Dear Derek,
Have you ever heard the saying…People want results without change?
Change is good. You have to think about why you want to leave. Do you want more control? Not happy with the overall decisions or the direction being made? How are your clients affected? You need to write out all your worries for leaving and all your worries for not leaving?
It is hard when friends are involved as there are greater emotions to your decisions rather than a rational non-emotional business case for you and your clients. Maybe you are ready to make a change and besides if you are spending a lot of energy thinking about this you are not fully engaged where you are and until you make a decision one way or another your productivity is suffering.
A small exercise to try:
List down all the things you are committed to in your life right now – things that take up your time. Rate each topic (out of a possible 10) according to priority to you and your life (work and personal) right now. Mark the rating to the right of the topic. Reflect on your prioritization. Ask yourself if you are giving the top 5 enough of your time? If you have low priority topics on your list can you abandon them for now (revisit later perhaps)? Are there other topics you think you should add to the list? Then, figure out if you are being reasonable with yourself when you consider your vision, your purpose, your goals and the amount of time you have.
Is this a right time for a move? How does this match up against your vision, your purpose and your goals? If this is the right time what is your plan of action? Will you have the support, back up, and resources to make a smooth transition for yourself and your clients.
Remember you are HUMAN. You may think you can do everything but really you can’t. So you choose and whatever you choose is the right answer.
To send along your questions for Joanne’s next column, send an email to AskAdvisor@advisor.rogers.com
Joanne Ferguson is the owner and president of Advisor Pathways.
